A Siren Calls

October 2025 (First Round)
Scare: Tomorrow
Action: Updating
Character: A Doorman
Time Constraint: 48 hours
Length: 400 words

The emergency sirens split the scream-ridden air as we race toward the shelter. The alarms have been going off for hours now, and at this point, I doubt there’s anyone left to turn them off. Shattering glass and gunshots pepper the panicked streets as the clock ticks toward midnight, the uncanny lights hovering above the city. Sophie clings to me as I run while tugging Liam along with one hand and updating my voicemail with our destination for the friends and family I couldn’t reach.

“What about Daddy?” Liam shrieks as we dodge around a raving drunk.

“He’ll meet us there.” The lie is sour on my tongue, but I wasted so much time trying to contact my shifty ex-husband with the tomorrow ultimatum breathing down our necks. I gave him as many minutes as I could, but nightmares require sacrifices.

We turn the corner, and finally the solid concrete building of town hall comes into view with four minutes left.

A tall man in a bullet-proof vest with a rifle slung over his shoulder stands in front of the door. Chest heaving, I stagger up to him and flash the email on my phone. “We’re assigned to this shelter.”

A baseball cap obscures his eyes, and a neck gaiter is pulled up over his nose, muffling his voice. “We’re full.”

I freeze, blood roaring in my ears as Sophie whimpers into my shoulder. “But they said we’d be safe here,” I say. “Where else are we supposed to go?”

“Go home,” the doorman says.

I shove my phone in his face, only two minutes left and sweat running down my nose. “We’ll never make it.”

“Andrea.” The doorman squeezes my arms, and I finally recognize my ex, his gaze fervent. “It’s full.”

The siren falls silent and with it, the city, as if the world collectively holds its breath.

“But, Matt, they’re feeding…” Tears trickle down my cheeks, and my gaze darts to the threatening lights now blotting out the darkness. I tried to protect my babies. I swear, God, I tried.

The hungry lights pinpoint the building, and a massive, inhuman shadow drops from the sky onto the roof. I gasp, my body going rigid. They’re coming for us.

Matt folds us in his arms, hiding Liam’s face. “Don’t look.”

And when the screams start, and blood sprays the windows from the inside—I remember.

Nightmares require sacrifices.

This one came in third place in my group and advanced me to round 2. The feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2549}  The setting is super interesting and creatively sci-fi creepy. I loved it! The story’s urgency is evident through word choices (nouns and verbs) such as emergency sirens, split, shrieks, roaring, and the world collectively holds its breath. The twist in the end, where Matt seems to allow the people IN the shelter to become the sacrifice, is quite unexpected. Nice job.  

{2144}  I really like the set up of the story and the way you drop us right in the middle of the action. The sounds of the chaos around the narrator and her children, them having to run to the shelter with just minutes to spare, and the blaring sirens all really provide a lot of tension and urgency to the story from the very get-go. I also really love the silence that happens the minute it actually turns to midnight. The sudden change in atmosphere really gives a quick glimpse of the scale of things to come. 

{2573}  That last line sent a proper shiver down my spine! This was such a complex story to fit into such a small word count and I really liked the sci-fi aspect of it. The shifty ex-husband that turns out to be protecting her was a nice touch. Updating the voicemail with a location was a brilliant way to include the prompt – really original! I liked the twist too – that the safe zone she’d been assigned to was in fact a kill shelter of sorts. The whole piece had very WWII vibes to it, with the sirens and gunfire feeling reminiscent of the blitz, and the town hall feeling like a gas chamber. Add a little War of the Worlds and you’re right there. I don’t know if that was intentional, but it brought to mind a very vivid picture for me.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2549}  A craft issue of clarity happens here: “I wasted so much time trying to contact my shifty ex-husband with the tomorrow ultimatum breathing down our necks. I gave him as many minutes as I could, but nightmares require sacrifices.” Specifically, what is the tomorrow ultimatum, why does it matter, and how come it’s not mentioned again? Does it have a connection to the story’s ending? Clarity is perhaps the most important writing element to master in flash fiction because we get so few words to get the meaning across. You can fix the issue in a couple of ways. 1. Cut the reference. (I realize that also takes out “tomorrow,” but the revision is still valid. 2. Clarify what the narrator means by “tomorrow.” Again, does it foreshadow the ending? If so, help the reader understand that better. All the best to you!  

{2144}  I think the set up is so great and provides instant momentum to the story, but I’m not quite sure if I follow why Matt doesn’t let the narrator and his kids into the shelter. Is the shelter actually full? Or is Matt just being a jerk? If he also had access to the shelter, why did he not tell the protagonist and her children? I just think that the series of events as Matt denies them entry need to be a little more cohesive so we can understand why the narrator and her children are left to danger. I also think in general it would be helpful to have a line or two more about the ultimatum. I don’t quite understand what the advantage is of staying home versus being in the shelters, and more information about that would help us understand the importance of these final seconds and why it all comes down to that to try to get to a new location. 

{2573}  It’s a small thing, but I would have liked to know a bit more about the Tomorrow Ultimatum, because I didn’t really have a sense of what was happening right up until the end. I appreciate that the word count is tight, but you could take out the sentence about the alarms having been going off for hours, which would give you a few words to build the threat round the ultimatum.

Thanks for reading! You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.

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