Clark kent wears tights

June 2023 (Second Round)
Genre: Comedy
Action: Putting on eyeglasses
Word: Member
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 100 words

If someone recognizes me, I’ll never survive seventh grade. I don the square black glasses and face mask, desperately channeling Clark Kent before peeking into the ballet studio at the line of pink-clad girls. Oh god, I can’t go in there. When I asked Mom for dance lessons, I wanted to try hip-hop, not social suicide.

I’m about to flee when Aphrodite herself glides toward me with a smile. “You’re the new boy?”

My heart bursts into butterfly confetti, and I suddenly remember why everyone loves Clark.

He’s totally uncool.

But he always gets the girl.

“Why, yes, I am.”

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This one came in second in my group, getting me into the final round! The feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{1943}  This story had a really fun premise. I loved the image of him going in disguise because it was a ballet class. I laughed at the description of Aprhodite herself “gliding” up to greet him. So cute! The image of his heart bursting “into butterfly confetti” was lovely – this story really made me smile. Thank you for sharing it with me.   

{2138}  I really enjoyed this light and humorous piece. There’s a sweet and youthful energy throughout, and a strong sense of character via the narration: I loved his internal thought processes which also help to vividly bring the scene to life. You’ve established a great sense of pace to the narrating character’s journey too, taking him from nervous and uncertain to a quiet increase in confidence. “My heart bursts into butterfly confetti” was particularly lovely!  

{1980}  The narration in this piece is highly engaging. The narrator boasts a distinct voice, helping to establish a vivid understanding of both the immediate conflict they face and the wider world they inhabit outside of the dance studio. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{1943}  I wonder if you needed the opening sentence. For me, the story became really engaging at “I don the square black glasses and face mask…” I think we know that he was a middle school from the fact that he wanted to try hip-hop, he used phrases such as “social suicide”, and he disguised himself to enter the dance studio. Perhaps you could work on some more middle-school style language in the opening paragraph to make sure that your characterization is very clear.

{2138}  Not much to critique here! Perhaps the only tweak I’d suggest is the combining of Clark Kent with Aphrodite – it may be a little odd for the reader to be presented with Greek mythology and the DC universe in the same piece?

{1980}  One element that could be further developed is the narrator’s body language, specifically in the moment they nearly “flee” from the studio. By fleshing out this moment of tension with imagery –are they grabbing their things, or checking to see if anyone is looking, for example — this would therefore heighten the relief as “Aphrodite” glides towards them. Perhaps by paring down some of the opening narration, this would leave more room in the word count to explore this narrative shift.

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You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.