(An oldie, but trying to clean up my NYC Midnight Challenge Entry Page since it’s getting crowded.)

Memories of lilIes

February 2021 (Round 2)
Genre: Drama
Action: Opening a laptop
Word: Show
Time Constraint: 1 day
Length: 250 words

Thanks so much to the Academy of the Heart and Mind for publishing this one! You can find it here. This was my 2nd round entry and did not place, but the feedback is below.

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2008}  This is a very well done story. It holds reader interest. It develops and unfolds effectively, and the reader does feel for the characters. The social comment is superior. 

{2007}  I love the details in this piece–the lilies from mom sparking the Google search, the suit he would’ve hated, his homely cat, and then the final moment where the narrator decides to send lilies to his grave. All of these things add up to a vivid world for this story to have happened in, and they make the piece more believable through their specificity. 

{2022}  The ideas behind this story are very poignant to read right now, for obvious reasons. I liked how you first depict the internet as a life-line connecting your protagonist to memories of past intimacy, and then as a vessel bringing a fresh sense of loss. That duality was powerful. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2008}  It would be helpful to have more background information, especially in the first paragraph? And while it does not exactly matter, why do lilies remind ‘her’ of ‘him’? 

{2007}  Something you might add in revision, if you decide to revise, is some kind of interaction between the narrator and the ex through flashbacks. It’s hard to feel emotionally attached to someone we only see through a Google search, and it’s hard to feel sad about the death of someone we have no emotional attachment to as a reader–but a tender moment, or a heartfelt memory, will help to spark an emotional reaction in the reader. 

{2022}  Maybe this is just me, but I think there would be more narrative coherence in this story if your protagonist’s ex had died of covid–or if the irony of him dying in any other way during the pandemic were incorporated somehow. I think this would add an interesting coat of commentary.