Posted on by hrchow12

Giving back to the writing community

So, this year marks a new chapter for me as an author. Though still battling imposter syndrome (as I think most authors do to some extent), I’m making a conscious effort to give back to the writing community this year.

As such, I’m officially a judge for the WriteHive Indie Ink Awards! As a judge, I’ll be reading six books in the next six months, scoring them in a rubric and rating them in the categories they were nominated. Out of the nominees, I’ve actually already selected the six I intend to read and downloaded my first read. Best Audio Narration & Best Light Read are the two categories I’m feeling in this season of life, so that’s where I’ll be hanging out.

But personally, I’m a big fan of book awards as a way to distinguish and lift up authors (indie authors especially) and I’m so excited to be a part of it.

But that’s not all!

This year, I’m also a 2025 WriteHive Mentor! This is an extra special opportunity for me since I was actually a 2023 WriteHive Mentee with EJ Dawson as my mentor, and I learned so much! I was so excited to pay it forward, and even more excited to pick Erin Scheuer as my mentee. I absolutely fell in love with her rock star/celebrity romance Love Songs and Other Lies, (which reads JUST like a K-drama, you all—squeee!!!), and we clicked instantly on our first call.

She’s entering into the revision phase, and I’m so excited to see her take her manuscript to the next level. Everyone is absolutely going to love her sweet, complicated characters, and I’m so excited for the world to meet them! Check out the mock cover and moodboard I put together for her!

It was also super interesting to be on the other side of the submission/rejection process, and I learned quite a lot. (Separate post coming on that soon!)

All in all, this has been such a positive experience so far, and I’m so glad I was able to take the leap to jump into these opportunities! I’ll be posting the books I review for Indie Ink awards here just like any other book, but when the results come out I’ll definitely post an update on the winners! And of course, if anything exciting happens with Erin’s Love Songs & Other Lies, I’ll be sure to post about that too, because I’m pulling hard for it!

Thanks so much for reading!

Posted on by hrchow12

Character Artist Recommendations for Authors

Okay, so this is the post I needed in my life as a budding author in 2019. I have always loved art since I was a kid, and now, as an author, I adore seeing books brought to life through character art, and use character art heavily when promoting my books. But when I first started out, I had no idea who to message about character art.

Over the years, as I admired other authors’ commissioned pieces, got recommendations from authors, and commissioned different artists myself, I began to gather quite a few art pieces of my books that I adored as well as a list of artists I enjoyed working with. I’m always on the look out for new artists and fresh styles, because I love to see how different people with different perspectives can bring to life characters in different ways.

And yes, I only work with human artists and likewise, human authors. In case you haven’t seen my thoughts on generative AI, you can find them in the graphic below.

So in part, this is an artist appreciation post for the artists who I’ve worked with over the years, and it’s also a resource for those other authors out there looking for (human) artists to commission. Without further ado, the guide is below! All handles are from Instagram unless otherwise noted.

Posted on by hrchow12

NYC Midnight Challenge – 100 words – Second Round – A Revolutionary Lie

A Revolutionary Lie

June 2024 (Second Round)
Genre: Historical Fiction
Action: Stumbling
Word: Tour
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 100 words

The wound may not be mortal, but it’s still the end of me.

Blood seeps from my shoulder as Holbrook stumbles to my side, the redcoat’s body cooling in the autumn leaves.

“How bad?” Holbrook rasps.

“I…”

But it’s too late; Holbrook’s already ripped open my coat and shirt. For a moment, he only stares, my lie exposed with the curved contour of my bound chest—Robert Shirtliff poised to die at the hands of his dearest friend.

“’Tis a small wound.” Swallowing, Holbrook pulls his spare shirt from his knapsack. “No one need know.”

And I am saved twice.

This one came in first (🎉) in its group, and the feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

2076}  I was impressed by the sense of the personal in this piece, the way you allow the historical context to be so in the background and this life-or-death personal catastrophe to come out so strongly in an emotional climax. I thought the last line was beautiful, with real literary flair.

{1666}  Excellent work here! Your narrative arc was full-bodied and complete, which speaks to your imaginative force and economy as a writer. The double-entendre of your opening line was really clever, and I appreciated your speculative additions to the known facts of this fascinating figure’s tale.

{2376}  This story has a strong sense of mystery with an excellent payoff. You do a great job of hooking the reader in with an opening line that presents the reader with an irresistible riddle. And the way that riddle is answered put the reader in the same position as Holbrook—with the truth slowly dawning us. And the final turn the story takes leaves the reader with a satisfying conclusion, having Holbrook make the same decision that we would make in his position.   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2076}  What might be worth developing in this piece is your description. Can you rephrase it from our narrator’s perspective, drawing closer to their sensory experience in a more specific way? Think about when the blood is seeping from the wound; does it hurt, is the blood warm, is it numb? What does the redcoat’s body look like? What’s the setting like, what does Holbrook’s face look like? This will all immersive the reader more strongly in the moment at hand.

{1666}  While it’s clear enough to me that “Shirtliff poised to die” is a figurative statement, there are enough swirling elements and tension for this to be misinterpreted. The reader may be wondering if the narrator is referring to the existing wound, being killed by Holbrook, or facing some sort of death penalty after being exposed as a woman. Some alteration here might help protect the interpretation. Additionally, take a look at reworking sentence 2 – the clause “the redcoat’s body cooling in the autumn leaves” doesn’t refer or link to any other active image in the sentence, so the sparse phrasing feels affected just for the sake of sparing words.

{2376}  There’s a lot already going right in this story, but there are a few small things to consider in a revision. One would be reframing the line about the redcoat’s body. The way that this phrase is attached to the image of Holbrook stumbling to her side creates a little confusion in this draft. Spliced on, the reader is expecting this clause to modify some part of the sentence we’ve already read. Instead, if Holbrook “stumbles over the body of a redcoat cooling in the autumn leaves” we get the image of the dead man without the confusion. Another thing to consider would be taking out the line about Robert Shirtlff dating at the hand of his friend. This line tells us what the story is showing us about the closeness of these two people. It also interrupts the moment of tension in which or POV character is left wondering what’s going to happen. Instead, you could sustain this tension by having Holbrook pull out his spare shirt before he speaks, leaving the reader unsure of what he thinks until the last possible moment.

Thanks for reading! You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.

Posted on by hrchow12

NYC Midnight Challenge – 100 words – First Round – The Tearstains Left Behind

the tearstains left behind

April 2024 (First Round)
Genre: Drama
Action: Throwing a Tantrum
Word: Deal
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 100 words

I can only stare as the front door slams and Chloe runs after her mother. Already screaming, Chloe pounds the wood with chubby three-year-old fists until she melts into a hysterical puddle on the floor. I want to tell her it’ll be okay; her mother will come back. My daughter will come back.

But those lies won’t change the hand we’ve been dealt.

Instead, I sit beside her, my tears adding to the splotches Chloe’s already made on the linoleum. “I’m here.”

It’s all I can offer, but when her dimpled hand squeezes my wrinkled one, I know it’s enough.

This one came in first (🎉) in its group, and the feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2370}  You did a great job at portraying the scene, providing great imagery and details (chubby fists, tears on the linoleum), and provoking intense emotions in your reader. You only had a few words to work with, and you did a really great job.

{2314}  There’s great subtlety at work here. Obviously Chloe’s responses are dialed up. In contrast, our narrator is subdued, a person who perhaps has dealt with grief before a few times in their life. It works well.

{2369}  This story is heartbreaking. That poor baby. And poor grandparent. The emotions of this piece are spot on and well done. Every word does work and is needed. A vivid story that is well told.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2370}  One minor suggestion is that I don’t think you need to say “three-year-old fists.” I think you could change that to toddler or just say chubby fists. We can infer her age thanks to other descriptions you include and through Chloe’s behavior.

{2314}  I found myself feeling this story is good – when it has the potential to be great. I think it’s in the details. You’ve given us a broad scenario – family dealing with grief. Refracted through an older person, dealing with a younger person. I found myself wanting some other x factor – either in style, or characterization, to elevate the premise. 

{2369}  There’s not much of anything I would suggest for improvement. This story is easy to understand but has enough depth for the reader to feel something. My only thought is that 3 seems a bit young for Chloe to understand and be able to do anything other than cry and throw a fit for her mama. You don’t say she does understand, but somehow it still feels that she does. The image of a dimpled hand squeezing a wrinkled one is so beautiful that I hesitate to ask you to change it, so maybe consider making Chloe just a touch older?

Thanks for reading! You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.

Posted on by hrchow12

Writing Craft Book Reviews & Nuggets

Every so often, I try to dive into writing craft books to learn and hone my skills. Here’s a few I read this year and the nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from them. If you’re looking for a star rating, I’ve decided against giving star ratings for craft books because, to be honest, I don’t enjoy reading them, but I do it for the learning opportunity. However, I did rank them from 1-7 here!

Story Genius (#2)

I actually bought this book several years ago, but just finished it today. I took a few solid nuggets away about character and motivation, however there’s a lot of how-to writing process detail in here that wasn’t quite what I was looking for.

However, if you’re a writer just starting out and looking for a breakdown of the story crafting process, this might be the right book for you!

Big Takeaway: The reader has to connect with the main character. If not, you’ve already lost them. (This book did bring an epiphany for me a few years ago, shifting my perspective from plot-driven to character-driven.)

Steering the Craft (#4)

I’m reading writing craft books this weekend, and as this one was recommended by quite a few internet strangers, I grabbed it from the library. This is definitely different from the other craft books I read in that it really is (and the author says this upfront) a workbook with exercises and examples like you would do in a workshop.

She even has recommendations for how many writers work best in working through the exercises in a peer writer’s group, how often to meet, etc. And not only does she have detailed exercises to drive home the different elements and tools of writing but examples from classic literature as well.

Overall, it was a quick, interesting read with a few insights that resonated with me, but I would most recommend this for those looking for exercises to work through in a peer writing group, especially when refining their writing at the line level.

Big Takeways: Write for you, be intentional with punctuation, listen for your rhythm, and beware the grammar bullies.

Bird by Bird (#6)

This is another one I started a long time ago, but only finished quite recently. This, I feel like is less a guideline on writing and more a philosophical take on it.

My Big Takeways: Write one step at a time, write for you, and if you something strikes you in an emotional way, write it down.

Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting (#5)

This one is a little tough to review since I got the audiobook and I found the narration somewhat off-puting. I do like how this book approached story from a very broad level and then broke down the elements of story into extremely fine detail from beats to character to setting with examples from well-known movies.

Takeaway from this one: The best stories are multilayered and universal, and if every beat doesn’t serve the story, cut it.

Creating Short Fiction (#1)

A little dated in some respects, but I actually really liked some of the exercises here, especially when it comes to mining your experience to put things that really matter to you in your writing. The interplay between the unconscious and conscious mind was also interesting. Also, his thoughts on a “story-writing computer” were also amusing considering the present world we now live in.

Big Takeaway: As a microfiction writer, I also found his delineation between a sketch, an incident, an anecdote, and a story to be interesting. (The story involves emotional involvement and impediment.) And his thoughts on contrast also resonated. (That even grim stories must have viscerally light moments and vice versa)

Of the craft books I’ve read in the last two weeks, I think this is the one I would most recommend so far.

Writing the Blockbuster Novel (#7)

Of the six writing craft books I’ve read in the last few weeks, I think this one might be my least favorite. It mostly relies on the in-depth analysis of a few stories, and while I enjoyed the big points, overall I felt it was a bit of a dry read.

Big Takeaway: Blockbuster books rely on high stakes, powerful characters, dramatic scenes, intense excitement, “sexy” settings, 3-4+ point-of-view characters, intense emotional ties between the characters, and a radical premise.

Romancing the Beat: Story Structure for Romance Novels (#3)

This craft book was concise with a light sense of humor that made it super easy to read. While I don’t think this beat structure is universal for the romance genre, I do think it is a solid starting point, and there were some good insights here.

Takeaways: Romances are about two characters who each have some flawed misconception about love that is healed through a relationship journey that foundationally changes what they think about love. They most often progress in a 2 steps forward, one step back kind of dance and the dark moment will be related to their flawed romance-perspective.

As a writer, it’s important for me to read craft books so I can grow and learn… but I’m officially craft-booked out for 2024.

Thanks for reading!

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A Recommendation for Writers: The WriteHive Mentorship Program

If you’re a writer with a manuscript you’re trying to whip into shape for querying or self-publishing, this free program is for you! I was a mentee back in the 2023 with the wonderful E.J. Dawson as my mentor, and the help really transformed my manuscript. (And since then, I’ve gotten an agent and that manuscript is now on sub! 🎉)

Basically, you submit your query, manuscript, & synopsis, and if you get picked up by a mentor, you’re essentially getting a free critique/edit of your manuscript from someone who’s been in the publishing world for some time.

And the big news is, I’ll be joining the WriteHive team as one of the mentors this year! 🎉 I really love this program and I’m so excited to pay forward all I gained from it to a new mentee. I’ve included my bio, expectations, and MSWL wishlist below, but you can find the info on all the mentors here.

The big dates to remember are:
Nov 11-18: Mentor AMA
Nov 21-24: Mentee Submission Window
Jan 1, 2025: Mentorship pairings announced

So, be sure to check this one out, add it to your calendar, and if you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

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Should I write a stand-alone book or a series? Pros and Cons.

Okay, obviously this is a very personal decision, but this is a question I’ve wrestled with several times since I started publishing in 2020, and my opinion has changed over the years! So I figured I would write what I wished I had known when I started putting books out into the world.

So you’ve written a book! Congrats! Now how do you decide if you should write a sequel or leave it as a stand-alone? When I wrote my first book, Odriel’s Heirs, I had the series more or less planned out in my mind. I remember telling my husband if even *one stranger* liked it, I would write the sequel. This… is a low bar. But at the time, as a brand-new self-published author, I had exactly zero confidence anyone would read it.

Fast-forward to when I wrote Idriel’s Children, my second novel, and I thought I had made a mistake. While I had been at peace with publishing Odriel’s Heirs after attempting to query the book, it felt like a let-down to not be able to query agents with it.

Adding to that, I quickly realized that the audience for a *true* sequel (dependent on the events of book one) is extremely small, because you’re essentially only marketing it to the readers that enjoyed the first book. Therefore, if you look up nearly any series on Amazon, book 2 will have MUCH fewer reviews than book 1, and book 3 will have even less!

Now, luckily for me, each novel in the Odriel’s Heirs series has a different main character, takes place after a generation gap, and can stand alone, so I didn’t have to grapple with that particular problem. But just the very idea of it floored me.

Secondly, if the second book bombs, it would be very difficult to get readers to pick up book three. So there’s a lot of risk in writing all the books up front before you publish and see the reaction.

It was with all these thoughts swirling around my head that I decided that after I completed the Odriel’s Heirs series, I would never again self-publish a sequel.

It was that thinking that led me to leave The Gatekeeper of Pericael as a stand-alone and not pursue a sequel which would not have stood alone. (Along with the fact that I found a creepy MG fantasy incredibly difficult to market.)

Okay, well let’s fast-forward again to now when I’m marketing a completed YA Fantasy series (which feels incredibly satisfying, by the way.) And… I realize two things very quickly. Whereas previously I was thinking that I *can’t* market books #1.5, #2, #2.5, and #3… now I’m thinking I don’t have to. Because when I market book 1, there are many readers that will go ahead and pick up the whole series! Then, there are other readers, who will immediately buy the next book after finishing the previous one.

Which is to say, basically in marketing only book one, in reality, I’m marketing *5* books. This means, suddenly, my BookBub promos are actually turning a profit. And did I mention that people love series? The more time they spend in a world, the more invested they become in it, and the more likely they are to shout it out the rest of their reading friends. Plus, every time another book is released, it only reinvigorates interest and sales in book one, which of course means, more readers! Also, there’s a whole other section of readers who won’t pick up a series until it’s officially complete, which opens up even more possibilities after all the books are released.

If a stand-alone is a *really good stand-alone* that just means you’re leaving people wanting more.

Which is all to say, I get the series train now. Disney, I understand.

That said, I still prefer for each entry to end on a satisfying note. (I’m anti-cliffhangers.) So that, in case it bombs, or due to marketing reasons, it doesn’t make sense to finish the series, the fans of the books aren’t left dangling and unfulfilled.

And despite my general lack of knowledge, I don’t regret how my publishing journey has progressed. I’m SO glad I completed the Odriel’s Heirs trilogy. From a marketing standpoint, it was the right thing to do, and I wanted to prove to myself I could to it.

However, it was also the right move not to pursue the Gatekeeper series. As a self-published author, I wasn’t able to reach an upper MG audience effectively through social media (my primary mode of marketing.) The book stands alone well, and it allowed me to focus my brand on Young Adult books.

Similarly, Into the Churn started out as a stand-alone, and when sales struggled at first, the publisher and I weren’t sure if we move forward with a series. However, the second book reinvigorated both interest and sales in a way that allowed us to greenlight the full trilogy! Now that I’ve seen the 5 for 1 BOGO (buy one get one free) marketing deal with my Odriel’s Heirs series, I’m excited to be able to market the completed Into the Churn series in a similar manner.

That said, that was a lot of stream-of-consciousness. So for those who just want the straight pros and cons, here’s the TL;DR version:

Pros of a Series
– In marketing one book, you’re actually marketing the entire series
– It gives the readers more time to get invested in the world and characters
– Each release reinvigorates sales of book one
– Some readers greatly prefer series and some readers only buy complete series
– Because you’re marketing the same series over the course of years, it’s more like to gain momentum and attention

Cons of a Series
– The sequels, themselves, won’t attract new readers, so the sequel will always have less reviews than book one
– If you self-published book one, you can’t query a sequel
– You cannot enter sequels into awards contests unless they can stand alone
– If book one is hard to sell or market for any reason, selling book two will only be harder
– It takes more time/investment to write a series

Anyways, that’s just my two cents from where I stand right now—a small press author on submission, always planning trilogies but making sure each book has a satisfying ending. I’m also going to throw in the reminder that if you *do* love a series, make sure you shout it out and recommend it to your friends, because series *do* get canceled or postponed in the middle sometimes due to lack of sales, reviews, or perceived interest. So if you love a book, be sure to support it with your ratings and reviews!

Thanks for reading, and if you have any questions, just let me know!

Posted on by hrchow12

NYC Midnight Challenge – Clark Kent Wears Tights

Clark kent wears tights

June 2023 (Second Round)
Genre: Comedy
Action: Putting on eyeglasses
Word: Member
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 100 words

If someone recognizes me, I’ll never survive seventh grade. I don the square black glasses and face mask, desperately channeling Clark Kent before peeking into the ballet studio at the line of pink-clad girls. Oh god, I can’t go in there. When I asked Mom for dance lessons, I wanted to try hip-hop, not social suicide.

I’m about to flee when Aphrodite herself glides toward me with a smile. “You’re the new boy?”

My heart bursts into butterfly confetti, and I suddenly remember why everyone loves Clark.

He’s totally uncool.

But he always gets the girl.

“Why, yes, I am.”

This one came in second in my group, getting me into the final round! The feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{1943}  This story had a really fun premise. I loved the image of him going in disguise because it was a ballet class. I laughed at the description of Aprhodite herself “gliding” up to greet him. So cute! The image of his heart bursting “into butterfly confetti” was lovely – this story really made me smile. Thank you for sharing it with me.   

{2138}  I really enjoyed this light and humorous piece. There’s a sweet and youthful energy throughout, and a strong sense of character via the narration: I loved his internal thought processes which also help to vividly bring the scene to life. You’ve established a great sense of pace to the narrating character’s journey too, taking him from nervous and uncertain to a quiet increase in confidence. “My heart bursts into butterfly confetti” was particularly lovely!  

{1980}  The narration in this piece is highly engaging. The narrator boasts a distinct voice, helping to establish a vivid understanding of both the immediate conflict they face and the wider world they inhabit outside of the dance studio. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{1943}  I wonder if you needed the opening sentence. For me, the story became really engaging at “I don the square black glasses and face mask…” I think we know that he was a middle school from the fact that he wanted to try hip-hop, he used phrases such as “social suicide”, and he disguised himself to enter the dance studio. Perhaps you could work on some more middle-school style language in the opening paragraph to make sure that your characterization is very clear.

{2138}  Not much to critique here! Perhaps the only tweak I’d suggest is the combining of Clark Kent with Aphrodite – it may be a little odd for the reader to be presented with Greek mythology and the DC universe in the same piece?

{1980}  One element that could be further developed is the narrator’s body language, specifically in the moment they nearly “flee” from the studio. By fleshing out this moment of tension with imagery –are they grabbing their things, or checking to see if anyone is looking, for example — this would therefore heighten the relief as “Aphrodite” glides towards them. Perhaps by paring down some of the opening narration, this would leave more room in the word count to explore this narrative shift.

You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.

Posted on by hrchow12

How to Deal with Rejection – A Playlist

Let’s talk about navigating rejection and negative feedback for a second. Honestly, it was something I’d never really thought about before I wrote my first book (mostly because I didn’t actually think I’d ever publish it.)

Fast forward a minute to first readers, betas, critique partners, editors, queries, and then reviews. Whoa! Negative feedback non-figuratively everywhere!

So how do you keep writing with someone calling your book baby ugly from the second it’s born until quite possibly… forever?!? How do you keep submitting when you’re getting truckloads of rejections? Well, here are the tips I can offer:

Pre-Publishing Feedback

  • Put on the playlist. (see below)
  • Let the feedback sit and percolate. Trust me, it’ll sting less the second time, and you’ll be able to more objectively see the changes you do and don’t want to make.
    • After I got the development edit back on my first book, I had to let it sit for three months before I gathered the energy to re-attack. (The feedback was BRUTAL 😆)
  • Trim the feedback to actionable bullets in your own words. It’s less overwhelming than big blocks of text, and you can cross them off when you’re done.
  • If you’re not sure if you want to accept the suggestion, ask another beta reader. If one beta thinks it’s a problem, it’s an opinion, if two betas think it’s a problem, it’s a problem. Just make sure you’re asking betas you can trust to be honest.
  • Just because you accept it’s a problem, doesn’t mean you have to accept their suggested solution. There are a million ways to address a problem. Always revise in a way that feels right to you.
  • Find critique partners and beta readers you can trust and build the relationship over time. The more trust there is between you, the more honest you’ll be with each other, and the more fun it’ll be!

Rejection

  • Put on the playlist. (see below)
  • Delete it! (After you log it in your querying excel sheet and hide that row, of course.) There’s no reason to linger on it, so get it out of your headspace as quickly as possible.
  • Reach out to a writing friend for support – they will understand.
  • Work on a different manuscript. All your eggs are not in one basket! Have many baskets!! BE THE EASTER BUNNY OF EGGS.
  • Know that: 1.) all writers have been rejected, and 2.) it will get easier. I can safely say I’ve received hundreds of form rejections. They still sting a little, but WAY less than they used to.

Post-Publishing Feedback (i.e. Bad Reviews)

  • Put on the playlist. (see below)
  • Remember the silver linings for 3 stars and below:
    • 3 stars: As a reader, these are the reviews I read before I buy a book. They usually list things they did and did not like about the book and can be very helpful. And as a writer, I have definitely used and grown from 3-star feedback.
    • 1 & 2 stars: Sure, your book wasn’t for them, but your book managed to reach people outside of your friends and family! That’s a huge win for exposure, and there’s no popular book that doesn’t have these, so try to treat it as a rite of passage.
  • Reach out to a writing friend for support – they will understand.
  • Pull up the Goodreads page for your favorite book ever, read the 1-star reviews, and have a laugh.
  • Reread your good reviews. Don’t let that single 1-star review negate those dozens of 4 and 5 stars. There are 8 billion people in the world and counting, no book is for everyone!
  • Rejoice! Someone read your book and took the time to review it, and in many instances, the number of reviews is more important than the average rating.
  • Work on your next book. Because you’re still growing as a writer, and this is only the middle of your journey. Rest if you need to, and then keep on going.

Oh, and don’t forget to jam while you’re at it:

And if you have any song suggestions, I’d love to hear them!

As always, thanks for reading! If you have any questions and thoughts, I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Posted on by hrchow12

NYC Midnight Challenge Honorable Mention – 250 words – March 2023

When they’re ready

March 2023 (Final Round)
Genre: Open
Action: Shushing
Word: Blur
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 250 words

Life was busy, death was simple, but it’s the hereafter I can’t take.

I arrived in a blur of shattering glass and crunching metal—a spike of agony and then… weightlessness. For days, I wandered familiar streets disoriented and untethered in ghastly shock, until I found the remains of my broken family and wished I hadn’t.

I desperately wanted to tear my eyes from the pudgy four-year-old impatiently asking for me while her unshaven, red-eyed father tied a messy ponytail instead of a braid and forgot Mommy’s special lullaby.

But there was no one to soothe him when he returned to our oversized bed with tears streaming into his stubble. Even as I lay with my ethereal arms around his trembling shoulders, gently shushing his heartbreaking cries, he couldn’t see me—the powerless, spectral witness wondering what crimes we’d committed for such a sentence.

Yet the moment passed, and our grief eased with the whisper of the hourglass. Their omnipresent shadow, I guided Nick’s hands with my translucent ones as he learned to braid, and I sang my lullaby alongside him as he tucked Amelia into bed.

The seasons changed, and now sweet giggles lace Mommy’s song as they hum together while Nick braids Amelia’s hair perfectly for her first day of school. She gets on the bus, laughing as she waves goodbye. Nick and I wave back, and when he finally smiles, relieved certainty enfolds me.

The hourglass falls silent, and I’m weightless once again—a shadow no more.

This one got an honorable mention in the final round! The best I’ve ever done so far! The feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2104}  This was a sweet and poignant story. I particularly loved the middle paragraph in which you wrote, “Even as I lay with my ethereal arms around his trembling shoulders, gently shushing his heartbreaking cries, he couldn’t see me—the powerless, spectral witness wondering what crimes we’d committed for such a sentence.” It is a lovely piece of imagery. Well done.   

{1788}  The narrator’s point of view was handled skillfully, allowing the reader to see the limitations of her new form but also her close proximity to the loved ones she couldn’t touch. It was particularly effective when she wasn’t able to comfort Nick, her “ethereal arms around his trembling shoulders.” For a wife or mother, it’s an unbearable thought, but it was heartening to see how quickly Nick found the strength to tend to Amelia.

The change in Amelia and Nick’s attitudes was more than believable, and the author showed the passage of time very well throughout the text. Even learning how to braid hair can take many days, and the sight of her perfect braid and his smile were lovely final images. 

{2206}  A tender story of loss and love with a hopeful ending.

“I wandered familiar streets disoriented and untethered in ghastly shock, until I found the remains of my broken family and wished I hadn’t.” A powerful depiction of life after death; dead but not gone. Here but separate.

“…spectral witness wondering what crimes we’d committed for such a sentence.” The agony of these words, speckled with alliteration and read like poetry.

An exquisite ending of the healing power of time and help from the unseen world.

  {1943}  Oh my gosh, this was a heartbreaking, beautifully written story. Your opening was powerful – I loved the balanced sentences and vivid description as she arrived in the hereafter and eventually “found the remains of my broken family and wished I hadn’t.” This was fabulous writing – you had me hooked right from the start. The concept of her being physically with Nick, while also being unseen by him was heart wrenching – I had tears in my eyes at “Their omnipresent shadow, I guided Nick’s hands with my translucent ones as he learned to braid”. The idea of them having a shared grief – “our grief eased with the whisper of the hourglass” – was beautiful. This image of the hourglass was wonderfully evocative, especially as it fell silent to release her at the end. Wonderful!

  {2274}  The story depicts grief through a harsh lens with not only the daughter but the husband suffering. They are both lost without her and at first all she can do is join in ineffectually. Indeed, why such a sentence? But the story takes a nice turn when the mother can help “train” daddy to improve his mothering. The ending is bittersweet but closes the most pressing part of the grief cycle. Amelia and Nick will make it and mom is finally able to move on to where she belongs. It’s a complex arc with three fully developed characters for such a tight word count.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2104}  Other than the middle section which I referred to above, there is still more room for showing rather than telling in your story. By showing more, you allow your readers to delve more deeply into the heart of your protagonist’s emotions. If you are able to do so, you will take your already very good story and move it up to the next level.   

{1788}  The hourglass could still be a more potent symbol. If it’s an hourglass that only exists in her mind, the author might want to make it a more vivid property. How much sand is left when it’s first mentioned? Do the falling grains unnerve her? Is she ready when the hourglass falls silent? Even if it’s not real, try to make it a more emotionally resonant entity, something she and the reader can see changing over time. The author may even want to place it in the first half. It seemed like a missed opportunity not to make it a more integral part of the piece, especially since it’s in the story’s last sentence.

“When They’re Ready” is a moving and unique microfiction work. Once the author highlights one symbol further, it will be even more wonderful. 

{2206}  The opening line didn’t seem to quite fit the rest of the narrative. In one way, her death was simple, quick even with no effort on her part. But simple doesn’t quite capture the pain of it. Likewise, the first moments of the hereafter, described so powerfully by the writer, would have been very difficult to take, yet she is able to help her husband and daughter as well as witness their healing and moving on to new life, and she seems at peace moving on, too. I would recommend beginning with “I arrived in a blur…” and use the extra words to give the reader a peek of her new life.  

{1943}  I thought your story was excellent, and I found it very difficult to find anything major to suggest that you edit. Perhaps you could consider the transition to “But there was no one to soothe him” – I paused here to reread, wondering why there was “But” at the start of the paragraph. To me, it felt a little awkward that you moved on to consider “him”, as she’d been unable to tear her eyes from the child, not the husband. After I reread, I wondered if you meant that he’d soothed Amelia when tying her hair, whereas nobody was there to soothe him, but this connection felt tenuous. I was also curious about the transition “Yet the moment passed”, as again, the tone of this felt a little disconnected to the previous paragraph. Maybe editing these two transitions could create a smoother read, but honestly, I am nitpicking as your writing was outstanding. 🙂

  {2274}  There’s never a clear explanation about how the mother is finally able to act upon her family when she couldn’t in the beginning. In this world, is it just something that must be learned? Did her spirit become stronger? It’s challenging to attack all details within a short story but this detail is relevant to the ending and some fleshing out would help the reader feel the narrative arc is complete. To gain the word count, a little could be trimmed throughout by choosing what adjectives and phrases are less necessary.

You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.