Youmask: Curing the faces only a mother could love!

May 2023 (First Round)
Genre: Sci-fi
Action: Putting something in a washing machine
Word: Card
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 100 words

I lean into my daughter’s dark room, proffering a hamper. “Laundry?”

I haven’t seen her face in weeks—her crooked smile and freckles discarded for today’s trending features projected from her omnipresent YouMask. And the stupid thing’s not even washable.

An idea flutters through me like a scrap of hope.

“Can I wash your YouMask before it stinks?”

With a sleepy grumble, she pulls it from her head and drops it in my basket. I force myself not to run as I cross the house and load the washing machine.

She’ll be furious tomorrow, but at least I’ll see her.

This one came in first in my group, getting me into the second round! The feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2024}  I enjoyed the illustrative language in this piece, as well as the mother’s narrative voice. I appreciated the context about the YouMask told to us through the title, and then through the mother’s perspective as her daughter’s “face” projects ‘today’s trending features.” I enjoyed how her nostalgia for her daughter’s features was at odds with her discomfort for ruining the technology for her daughter’s own good. i enjoyed how this piece explored themes of coming of age and social media / body dysmorphia.  

{2147}  The author’s strong theme of re-connection between mother and daughter in the face (no pun intended) of technology. That’s entirely a prescient reality and great subject matter. A clever use for the required word “card” – “discarded”. 

{2274}  This is very depressing and sad bur that’s what comes from the truth it is speaking. Children are becoming so stigmatized and judged for their appearance that this scenario is a plausibility in our future. The mother’s yearning to see her child is such a primal instinct and should be a joyous aspect of their bond. Instead an artificial barrier appears to disrupt the norm.   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2024}  This piece has a great foundation. Moving forward, I am most curious about whether the daughter bought the mask, or whether the mother gifted it to her? I am curious what age her daughter is, and whether there is an age limit to the technology?   

{2147}  The daughter, sleepy though she might be, consents to have the mask washed. She herself takes it off and puts it into her mother’s basket. So tomorrow, why would she be furious? She’d be furious if the mother took the mask while she was sleeping. Under these circumstances, it’s more likely she’ll be surprised, irritated at best. To improve the story adjust this one way or the other so the daughter’s reaction is appropriate.  

{2274}  Creating a fully fleshed-out vignette within such a tight word count is very challenging. It’s difficult to explain all aspects of the moment, but I can tell that a genuine effort was made. However, I was left with the following question. How old is the daughter? This simple data point would add a great deal to the story since kids become even more self-conscious as they get older. So a ten-year-old wearing the mask would be even sadder than a sixteen-yea-old. This would only need to be a few words which could be taken from some of the adjectives and descriptive phrases in the story without diminishing any section.

You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.