A Meowchiavellian Matchmaker

January 2025 (Second Round)
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Action: Measuring Height
Word: Memo
Time Constraint: 48 hours
Length: 250 words

When I agreed to cat-sit for Grandma, I wasn’t expecting a life-or-death situation, but there I was, brandishing tuna beneath a tree as I tried to talk my feline nemesis down from a slow suicide.

Thankfully, thirty hours after my online cry for help, a pickup rolled into Grandma’s drive. But when Adonis himself stepped out of the truck, my brain officially broke. His biceps flexed as he swept a hand through his dark hair, long lashes framing stunning blue eyes.

Only then did I realize I hadn’t put a bra on or even looked in a mirror in the last two panic-stricken days.

Was this my punishment for secretly putting Meowchiavelli on a diet?

Adonis lifted his phone, a measuring app glowing on the screen. “Poor guy’s forty feet up.” He winked. “I’m glad you called.”

“R-right,” I stammered, memorizing the face of my desperation-induced hallucination. In minutes, he’d thrown a rope over a branch and pulled himself skyward—a true hero in action.

But just as he reached for Meowchiavelli, the cat scrambled back and fell off the branch. I screamed as the cat tumbled onto Grandma’s second-story roof, and in a streak of orange lightning, bolted to the porch and through his cat door.

Adonis returned to the ground with pink cheeks. “Uh, sorry about that. Still working on the technique.”

Finally, my brain rebooted. “Maybe we could talk about it over dinner?”

When he nodded with a sheepish grin, I decided I liked Meowchiavelli after all.

Alas, this one didn’t place, but the feedback is below!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2415} In “A Meowchiavellian Matchmaker,” the writer does an excellent job pulling the reader into the story with the narrator’s fun, conversational voice. The love-hate dynamic between the narrator and Meowchiavelli also adds some wonderful and hilarious beats as the narrator builds up the courage to ask her Adonis cat savior to dinner.

{1943} This story really made me smile! The premise was cute, and the characters were vividly portrayed. I laughed at the way our poor protagonist realized that she hadn’t put on a bra or even looked in the mirror for two days! The contrast with the gorgeous looking Adonis was stark, creating a delightful tension as we wondered what he thought of her. The cat rescue was entertaining – I laughed as Meowchiavelli shot off the roof, to the porch, and in through his cat door. What a great moment! I loved the invitation to dinner at the end, and I really wanted to see what happened next, after his adorable meet-cute. 🙂

{2376} This is a funny and engaging story driven by a strong character. The way that you introduce us to our main character through a narrative voice that’s in turns vulnerable and acerbic not only hooks the reader in, but also immediately connects us with her. The way that she describes Adonis not only establishes her desire, it also establishes a wonderful sense of suspense. And the way that you reverse that feeling of suspense, revealing Adonis to be a fallible as embarrassed as our MC, makes for an unexpected twist that sets up a romantically satisfying ending.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

 {2415}  This story is such a delight to read, with a fun narrator and cat hijinks leading to an adorable meet cute. If you were looking to develop this story further, there was only one moment where I wished we could have had closer access to the narrator’s perspective. You do such a fabulous job keeping us in the narrator’s emotional state–such as when she begs Meowchiavelli to come down from the tree and then sees the hot guy exiting his truck–but in this climatic moment as she watches Meowchiavelli’s descent, I felt a little emotionally distanced from the narrator. We see she screams, but after her vivid language and imagery in the story’s opening, I didn’t share the narrator’s tension and fright at this moment. I understand adding more to the story isn’t possible with the limited word count, but I honestly don’t think you need more. Perhaps reframing what you already have and positioning it more firmly through the narrator’s emotional pov (maybe heightening your word choices so they mirror the narrator’s fear more) might help raise the tension of this climactic moment before the narrator dares to ask her cat rescuer to dinner.  

{1943}  I felt that your story became stronger and stronger as it progressed. I did wonder about the opening paragraph. Could we open with showing her with the tuna under the tree – maybe writing this scene more directly? Then, could you show us in a more subtle way that she was cat sitting for her grandmother? For me, phrases such as “I wasn’t expecting a life-or-death situation” felt a little too much like telling instead of showing, whereas the idea of her trying to talk the cat down from the tree was entertaining and intriguing. Perhaps you could be more specific about the cry for help from Adonis. Could you show us who he was, perhaps with a detail such as a sign on the truck? Again, this felt rather like telling – could you find a way to show us instead? 

{2376}  There’s a lot already going right in this story, but something to consider in a potential revision would be to tweak the way that Adonis arrives on the scene. The line in the current draft about how Adonis shows up thirty hours after an online cry for help is funny, but also presents the reader with more questions than the story has time to answer–why does it take so long for Adonis to arrive? Is he a stranger from the internet or someone she knows? Perhaps shrinking the time frame or even separating Adonis from the cry for help (having it that she puts out the call only to have this friendly stranger stop as they’re driving by) would simplify his arrival in a way that keeps the reader fully engaged in the story. One other, small, thing would be to rephrase the line “desperation-induced hallucination.” This is another funny line, but it also invites the reader to wonder if our MC is imagining Adonis entirely, which doesn’t seem to be the story’s intent.

Thanks for reading! You can find the rest of my NYC Midnight Challenge entries and feedback here.