Eve Resurrected

November 2022 (First Round)
Genre: Science Fiction
Word: Pare
Action: Hair Falling Out
Time Constraint: 24 hours
Length: 250 words

Sophie awoke to a blast of frigid air, pain, and blinding light. God, was she hungover? It must’ve been a rough night. Groaning, she squinted at the man in a surgical mask and cap leaning over her hospital cot. Oh. Make that very rough.

“What hospital is this?” she croaked, her fingers registering the tubes connecting her body to the room’s white walls. Her parents were probably freaking out. Where was her phone?

The man straightened stiffly. “That is difficult to answer, but I can reassure you that you are safe.” Although his tone was calming, the words came out stilted, like English wasn’t his native language. “May I ask what you remember?”

Sophie ran her fingers through her hair, only for a clump of her blond locks to separate from her scalp. Horror rose up her throat like bile, and she muffled a shriek. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Do not fear. Radiation was a necessary component of the revival process, but you are well now.”

“R-revival?” A deep wrongness niggled in Sophie’s gut. “Who are you? What happened to me?”

“My name is Tom. I am an android created to ease your transition.” Tom stared at her with pale, unblinking eyes. “You, Sophie Jones, are the first human to successfully recover from cryosleep.”

“Android?” This was a joke right? A nightmare? “But where are the people?”

Silence stretched between them. “Until now, humanity was extinct. You are the only one, Sophie.”

Her newly reborn wails echoed long and loud. 

JUDGe’s Feedback

This one placed 9th, just barely squeaking into the second round, but I’m not going to lie, I may have to write this full-length novel one day.

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2061}  I like the pace at which you allow Sophie to wake up. There’s not much of a panic in her thought process early on, and that really helps the build to the ending.

{2290}  This story has a nice contrast between the clinical and the mammalian. It’s comedic that the first thing Sophie imagines is a self-inflicted hangover. It’s a clever choice too to make the first human to be revived semi-dependent on parents. That helps with making her all the more lost when the truth is revealed.

{22}  The story is unique, and I especially appreciate that in this “hard” science-fiction plot the focus was on the feeling and reaction of Sophie rather than the mechanics of the world. The story attempted to keep the focus on what is interesting and compelling—the story—rather than the science-fiction universe surrounding it. By doing that, the science-fiction aspects feel more fully realized than if they were over-explained. That balance is well-maintained.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2061}  I wonder if an image or something could pass through Sophie’s mind as she’s trying to make sense of “revival.” Is there anything in her memory that might hint to what’s happened?

{2290}  I think Sophie’s reaction at the end is a bit preemptive. Sophie does not yet know if there are others undergoing the revival process, and indeed if her parents are safely in cryosleep. As reader, I pondered long about why Tom did not answer Sophie’s question about which hospital they were in.

{22}  The set-up is distinctive, which is great and not easy. The focus on Sophie feels like the right decision. However,  it is not clear to me how she is waking from cryosleep and her first reaction is that it was a “rough night.” That feels a little like a cliche when someone wakes and doesn’t know what’s going on. It distracts from what is working and it feels false when authors do that. It feels like a crutch. There has to be a more interesting way into that moment that doesn’t feel familiar and does something to reveal character and story. Why doesn’t she remember? What kind of things does she do in her life (beyond drinking)? Does she actually remember something hazily? There are a lot of things that could be done with that to match how distinctive the rest of the story is.